Leona Sandau

December 2019

It all began on Christmas eve 2002… After a few years of constant pain in my lower back when I lay down to sleep, I was finally going to get a diagnosis. Feeling excited, thinking I would be having minor back surgery, I rushed to the doctor’s office. When I arrived, I realized by the look in my doctor’s eyes it was bad. When he uttered the words ovarian cancer, my entire world went dark. It was a 13 cm Clear Cell Adenocarcinoma in the left ovary, and the doctor said it was very bad and that I needed to go home to spend Christmas with my family because it would most likely be my last. My then husband took me home so I could break the news to my children, family and friends. My older son was 22 and lived in California, my middle son was 20 going to college and serving in the Air National Guard, and my daughter was just 14 years old. It was probably one of the darkest times in my entire life.

I had debulking surgery (including the removal of my omentum and appendix) by a gynecologic oncologist on December 27th and was released on January 7th. Two weeks later the pathology report showed that it was stage III, grade III clear cell cancer, which can be chemo resistant. So off to Indiana University Cancer Center to find out my future or even if I had a future. The gynecologic oncologist there told me that it had invaded my omentum and that I most likely would not survive this. They immediately scheduled my surgery to have a port put in. I was to begin my chemotherapy of Taxol and Carboplatin that next Monday. The night before I was to begin my chemo treatments, my youngest son Jason was deployed to Iraq. My level of fear just escalated, not only because of what was to come with chemotherapy, but also if my son was going to be ok. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever see him again.

So here I was so sad about my son leaving me, and now I was to face the unknown of treatment. At least I had my husband of 23 years by my side to help me through this difficult time and to help keep things as normal as possible for our 14-year old daughter— or so I thought. I knew something was very wrong when he told me that he would not go in with me to receive my first treatment. He actually dropped me off at the front door and told me to call him when I was finished. I was so frightened when they called my name; when I walked through those doors, it was like taking my last walk of life. It all began to make sense when three days later. I was very ill with nausea and vomiting, and he said those fateful words, “I can’t do this.” So I asked him, ” What do you mean you can’t do this?” He said “I can’t sit here and watch you die,” and he left that night.

I did not have time to think about him leaving me because I was still left alone with my 14-year old daughter who was consumed with anger. I mean after all, in a matter of one month, she was told her Mom has cancer and would be very sick, her brother was sent to a war and her Dad moved out. When I look back on those hard times, I think my husband actually did me a favor because I had so many complications with my treatment. By leaving me alone, I truly believe that it gave me the strength to fight for my life, knowing I had to finish raising my daughter.

The complications were relentless, but I was determined to keep fighting. My hemoglobin and hematocrit bottomed out many times; so there were plenty of blood transfusions. The worst complication was due to a yeast infection that became systemic. In order for the doctors to fight it, I had to be given Amphotericin B which the nurses called ampho-terrible B. It was so toxic that I went into kidney failure. A couple weeks later I found myself in the ICU with my potassium level of 0.9 which is a fatal level and other electrolyte levels dangerously low. They brought in an endocrinologist who linked my lack of electrolytes to a complication of mixing chemotherapy with Amphotericin B. It was touch and go so many times, but when each and every issue came up, I just asked God to give me the strength to fight this so I could finish raising my daughter.

I will be a 17-year survivor this coming Christmas Eve. Since that time, I divorced my husband and my son was returned home to me safe and sound and is now married with two beautiful little girls. My beautiful daughter grew up and is married now with an amazing husband and is planning to start a family. My elder son still lives in California with his beautiful daughter. As for me, I spent the next 14 years learning to find and love myself. I became very active with the O’varcoming Together Cancer Alliance and the Little Red Door Cancer Agency in Indianapolis, which is where I am from. I was involved with the mentoring program along with many other types of volunteer programs through these two organizations. I vowed that nobody should ever have to walk through the doors of receiving chemo alone, at least not the first time.

I moved to Oregon 6 years ago where I met my sweet husband Jim who loves and adores me as much as I love and adore him. We were married just 3 years ago and we recently adopted the newest member of our family “Bailey”.