Manda Buttita

February 2024

Hi, I’m Manda. I was first diagnosed with stage 3B ovarian cancer at age 29. After a very successful 10-hour bilateral oophorectomy/hysterectomy debulking surgery and six rounds of Carbo/Taxol, I entered years of clean scans. After ten years, I was told it was extremely unlikely to recur, and no regular follow-ups were needed.

Alas, 22 years after my initial diagnosis, a routine colonoscopy showed something pressing on the outside of my sigmoid colon. It was a metastasis: the resulting biopsies and surgeries revealed it to be an ovarian cancer recurrence. Life since has been a roller coaster: 2 unsuccessful debulking surgeries, a surgical site infection, port placement, 1 round of Carbo/Taxol, and changes in pathology results (low grade? high grade?). A definitive diagnosis of low-grade serous ovarian cancer was reached – a rare type of ovarian cancer that is slower-growing but chemo-resistant. I tried Ibrance & Fulvestrant, then Ibrance & Letrozole, for ten months…and when that stopped working, I decided to do a few rounds of Carboplatin & Doxil. I joined a few support groups via Zoom and Facebook and traveled to MD Anderson in Houston for a second opinion. It’s been a crazy 1 1/2 years of grappling with a recurrence I never thought I’d experience. Attempts to find normalcy, determine priorities, and retain hope with a prognosis of 2 to 10 years, depending on who I asked.

I used to express my gratitude that I’d only had cancer once and say I didn’t think I could do it if I had a recurrence. I now know I CAN. It’s putting one foot in front of the other, doing what I can, and accepting a few more limitations in my life. I’m still making plans for travel and camping and concerts, with the knowledge that any plan may need to change — cancer on the outside of my stomach & bowels means sometimes the night may need to be spent at home with cramps & vomiting instead of out dancing. And that’s ok.

That said, I was struggling. The best thing I found was a recommendation from a friend to look at Harmony Hill, a retreat center in Washington State that offers free retreats for cancer patients. I was lucky enough to get a slot in November for three days, which hugely changed my outlook. The retreat, in a beautiful center with a view of the Olympic mountains, included small sharing circles that involved meditation, poetry, journaling, and listening to each other’s stories. There was yoga and art therapy, healthy meals, and walking in the woods and labyrinth. I discovered that while journaling has always been difficult for me, doing so within a structure of writing prompts felt easy and revealing. My fellow retreat participants were wonderful, each of us living with various challenges and able to share our courage and vulnerabilities. I highly recommend their program and encourage anyone who can attend (or another cancer retreat) to do so.

The retreat left me feeling hopeful. I’ve continued to meditate regularly, sometimes journal, and have started practicing qi gong. I joined an online 2 1/2-hour monthly support group for retreat alumni, which I love with its structure of contemplation, journaling, and poetry as we share and bond.

My treatment appears to be working to keep my disease stable, and my wonderful oncologist and I have a plan for the next treatment or two. The goal is to keep disease stable for as long as I can and to continue living as wonderful a life as I can in however many years I have left! I married my amazing partner on January 6, 2024!